One of the most important relationships you can build is the one with your parents. Typically, they are the ones to raise you, teach you about the world, they protect you, defend you, they are also your early historians, telling you about your family and some of the many things that contributed to how you became the person you are today. They are often our earliest heroes and role models, but what happens when you meet your parents again as an adult? When you are faced with some real life situations and you realize you would have made a decision that was different from theirs? What happens when you believe their choices were wrong?
I remember a conversation I had with my father, from a fundamental standpoint I could not agree with him. I remember how hurt I was, I remember how it changed the way I looked at him as a man. He told me that he was living life for himself, hearing that hurt like hell. It felt like I was being rejected. It felt like I was being cast aside. Now, logically, I completely understood that my father is not supposed to live life for his children, but the way it came off was more than dismissive… it felt like disposal. It took me years to accept that he was living HIS life and making decisions based on his situation through his perception. I couldn’t comprehend it at the time, but I realized that very little of it had anything to do with me. It was something that he needed to survive. I didn’t agree with his decisions then and I still don’t agree with them now, but I have grown to accept that they are his decisions and there is nothing I can do about that.
I have met a couple different versions of my parents. As I child, I met the parents that were my role models and my guide. As an adult, I met my parents again, still a guide, but also flawed. The change in dynamics has been eye-opening. I can see how our relationship has changed because of my new perspective, I’m sure it will change even more as I grow and my perspective changes even more. What was your experience when you realized your parents were flawed?