Mad Black Dad
Pick Up Your Standards
Today’s lesson in maturity is that you don’t need to belong to any group. All you need is to believe in who you are and what you offer. The groups, orgs, frats, circles, etc. will find you. And when they do, it’s up to you to establish if they fit what you stand for. Essentially, it’s about STANDARDS. Set standards for yourself, evaluate them, and reset them regularly… (and honestly)
Yall, I used to NEED to fit in, but lately, I've been finding a new level of solace in standing on my own. I’m purposely saying stand on my own and not stand out as if I'm better, different, or anti-conforming, because I'm not. However, I have realized that I used to feel an undying need to fit in. I almost felt dependent on having something to attach myself to. I would tell myself that I’d feel better if I had more friends, or I’d feel better if I joined this group, or I’d feel validated if I pledged [redacted] (I didn’t cross any line, don't look me up). I became a mason for several reasons, but one reason was absolutely to be part of a group or brotherhood. I learned a lot, but something was still missing.
We all know that I moved a lot, but because of that, I never really belonged to a single community, by the time I started to take root, it was time to leave. The same issue persisted in my early 20’s. I moved (and transferred) before I could truly get settled. It was like I wanted to belong somewhere or with some group, but I couldn’t quite find my place. So, I picked up some people and called them friends, when they should have been just coworkers. I tried to fit a couple squares into circles all to say I had a lot of “friends” ... weird flex but I tried. And failed. Again, standards.
I even held onto jobs too long because I felt like I had to be loyal to the people and companies that hired me. I felt like they did me a solid and I had to be loyal to them, so I'd attach myself to the company and use a lot of we sentences. Spoiler: they weren’t loyal to me.
It took me a good minute to truly understand myself and set standards for myself and I’m better now that I have them. Get you some standards if you don’t have them and pick them up if they aren't high enough.